How letting kids help provides developmental and educational benefits
Always a dilemma this one. On the one hand we want to encourage our kids to help out but on the other they often slow us down or make a mess that adds to our labours. It is especially difficult when we have other children to tend to. There is plenty of research that points to the positive benefits of letting children help. These include becoming good helpers in later life, better socially adjusted, and learning by observing. Additionally, and perhaps more importantly, research postulates that helping is connected to a desire to bond with the rest of the family and be part of the group; to form a secure attachment to parents and siblings. So essentially it promotes family cohesion and a sense of security and belonging in the child.
It is all to easy to discourage children from this desire to help or rationalise that we must offer reward or issue specific requests or instructions to elicit help, based on our adult view of work. Children seem to view this kind of activity as fun, or at least fulfilling, rather than work. Their desire to help is innate and emanates from intrinsic rather than extrinsic motivations. It is also an educational opportunity, whether involving cooking, gardening, shopping, cleaning the house or the car or switching the dishwasher on there is always something to be taught.
The bottom line here is that we should not discourage our young kids from helping but neither should we seek help through specific requests, offering reward or threatening sanctions if they don’t respond. If done right we should not need any intervention once children become older, although doubtless the teenage years will still prove troublesome… It’s hard to capture all the little ways young children seek to help, from unloading the washing machine (frontloading machines anyway) to pouring water to holding your hand to “help” you open a door. Frankly it is adorable at times. At Little Wriggler we have made a number of videos where our son helps us bake, prepare fruit salad and smoothies and even make coffee using an expresso machine (with safety always in mind of course, and that's another learning opportunity!).
These are more complicated tasks but achievable under supervision and great fun for the kids and a small effort to ensure they feel securely integrated into the family and become socially adjusted in later life. They like to help with everyday things but you can also set up activities such as baking or preparing fruits as a helping activity that can also be educational.
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